Who Is Close to You?
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about proximity - who we allow close to us, and how much that choice shapes both our career/business lives and our personal lives.
In theory, we separate the two. In practice, we don't. The people closest to us influence how we think, how clearly we decide, how we recover from stress, and how we show up at the barn, with horses, with clients, and at home. Proximity is not neutral.
As horse professionals, we're trained to evaluate fit. We assess horses, clients, partnerships, and programs based on alignment, capacity, and long term soundness (in the broad and horse specific sense). Yet when it comes to relationships, business or personal, we often rely on history, loyalty, or intensity rather than function.
Every close relationship draws from finite resources such as time, attention, emotional bandwidth, and nervous system regulation. Some relationships stabilize us. Others quietly drain us. Over time, that difference shows up everywhere including our patience with clients, our decision making under pressure, and our ability to lead.
Working with horses makes this especially clear. Horses respond to both skill and state. Technical competence, timing, feel, and professional training matter enormously. You can't truly progress without them. But skill alone is not enough. Horses are exquisitely sensitive to nervous system states and they respond in real time to what is happening beneath the surface. A trained, grounded presence allows expertise to land. A dysregulated one, no matter how experienced, creates tension. (I remember intentionally not riding on a handful of days during my riding career because I didn't want to transfer my state to the horses and I know I'm not the only one)
People are not that different. Some individuals allow us to apply our skills cleanly and stay centered. Others require constant management such as careful tone, reassurance, or emotional repair, which pulls attention away from the work itself. That effort adds up whether it is coming from a staff member, client, a colleague, or someone in your personal life.
This is not about judging character. It is about fit. A person can be capable, well intentioned, even talented, and still not be someone who belongs in close proximity to your inner life or your decision making process. In business, we do not maintain a partnership simply because we have invested in it before. We reassess based on current reality and future impact. Relationships deserve the same clarity.
A few questions I have been sitting with lately:
• Do I feel clearer or more scattered after time with this person?
• Does this relationship support focus or keep me in reaction mode?
• Can we repair cleanly after tension or does it linger unresolved?
• Does growth, mine or theirs, strengthen the relationship or strain it?
Another distinction that has been helpful is proximity versus influence. Not everyone close to you should have influence over your decisions. At the barn, we are careful about who sits at the decision making table. In life, the same discernment protects both clarity and integrity.
Choosing who is close to you is a leadership decision. It affects culture, energy, and sustainability. Calm, aligned relationships support long term thinking. Chaotic or ambiguous ones quietly pull focus away from what matters.
Reassessment is not disloyalty. It is maturity. As our businesses evolve, we review systems, pricing, and priorities to stay aligned with reality. Our relationships, professional and personal, benefit from the same honesty.
For me, this reflection is not about closing doors. It is about being more intentional with proximity and protecting the conditions that allow good work, sound judgment, and steady leadership to emerge.
In an industry that demands so much of us, choosing who is close is not a luxury. It is part of the work.
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